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Author: George Pitagorsky

George Pitagorsky, integrates core disciplines and applies people centric systems and process thinking to achieve sustainable optimal performance. He is a coach, teacher and consultant. George authored The Zen Approach to Project Management, Managing Conflict and Managing Expectations and IIL’s PM Fundamentals™. He taught meditation at NY Insight Meditation Center for twenty-plus years and created the Conscious Living/Conscious Working and Wisdom in Relationships courses. Until recently, he worked as a CIO at the NYC Department of Education.

Accountability A Contributor to Optimal Performance

Written by George Pitagorsky on . Posted in Articles. 4 Comments on Accountability A Contributor to Optimal Performance

Accountability is one of those interesting things that everyone knows is a critical success factor for effective performance but is avoided like the plague.

According to the Business Dictionary, accountability is “The obligation for an individual or organization to account for its activities, accept responsibility for them, and to disclose the results in a transparent manner.”1 It is the obligation to report and explain about what one does and does not do and to take responsibility for the consequences – “being called to account for one’s actions.”2

With accountability there is a relationship in which one individual or organization is in an account-giving relationship with another, e.g. “A is accountable to B when A is obliged to inform B about A’s (past or future) actions and decisions, to justify them, and to suffer punishment in the case of eventual misconduct”.3

Accountability requires a systematic method for accounting. Without the method, there is no accountability.

Resistance – Accountability Avoidance

Accountability seems simple:

  • assign responsibility
  • make sure there is a meeting of the minds regarding expectations (for example what is to be delivered, how long it will take and how much it will cost to deliver a quality outcome)
  • get to work
  • communicate regarding progress and completion
  • be open about issues and risks
  • appreciate feedback from others
  • accept the blame or fame associated with the outcome

If it’s so simple and it contributes to optimal performance, why is there resistance to accountability?

Dependencies and Accountability

The principle cause of resistance is related to dependencies on the work of others, particularly if they are not accountable for their performance.

In projects as well as operational activities, there is a need to get a clean relationship between performance and the performer, particularly regarding on-time completion, budget compliance, and quality. When a task requires input, including approval, from others, the task performer relies on the quality and timing of the input. If the input is late or of poor quality, the one who delivered it must be accountable. The expected outcome of the performer of the dependent task must be changed.

If you are accountable for delivering a result at a specific time and you cannot rely on those responsible for your task’s predecessors to account for their performance, how can you be comfortable being accountable for your task? Since your task is probably a predecessor to someone else’s task, there is a ripple effect.

Of course the obvious recourse is to report on progress and the progress, or lack thereof, of the predecessor task. But this can also cause problems.

Quite often, publicizing the performance shortfalls of others is a cultural no-no. Often, there is a lack of effective accountability system to highlight slippage and its impact on subsequent tasks. When it comes to the impact of quality shortfalls, it is even harder to establish a systematic approach for accountability.

So you are stuck. If you report the reality, you’re a bad guy. If you don’t, you take the blame for being late or delivering a substandard deliverable.

Organizational Dynamics

Another cause of accountability avoidance relates to the effects of organizational dynamics. If there are silos and competition or contention between groups, then members of one group resist accountability to others. We often hear “I don’t report to you” when we ask for a status report or accounting of someone’s performance. People feel that their performance shortfalls are no one else’s business. In fact, there are instances in which members of one group object to getting even positive feedback from members of other groups.

In many organizations, it is very difficult if not impossible to isolate accountability to a single individual. Often a point person who might be an account representative or a help desk operator represents the organization to its customers. The customer evaluates the organization’s performance. When bad advice is given or an estimate is blown, is it the representative’s fault? Do we shoot the messenger?

The organization is accountable to its customers for the organization’s performance. At the same time, it is not sufficient to hold an organization accountable. People in organizations need to be specifically assigned to tasks and be accountable for their individual performance.

Who is Responsible – Everyone or No One?

When an organization is accountable either everyone in the organization or no one is accountable. Often, it is no one. Therefore, we must go out of our way to bring accountability down to the individual. When we say that an organization is accountable, the buck has to stop somewhere. It is the organization’s top management that is personally accountable for the organization’s performance.

Who is accountable for setting the stage for failure or sub-optimal performance?

Individuals, project managers, PM Office managers, functional managers, or senior executives should be accountable for designing a healthy and optimally performing project or organization. A project’s or organization’s environment, its policies, tools, and procedures contribute to performance. Those responsible for creating and sustaining policies and procedures should be accountable for the performance that flows from them. If an individual fails to deliver, how much of the failure is attributed to environmental conditions and how much to individual performance?

Consequences

Accountability without consequences does not go far enough to contribute to optimal performance. In some accountability systems, people are unfairly punished for the delivery of poor products or services. In others, accountable parties get a free ride. It is a game. Someone takes responsibility and is accountable, but there are no consequences.

It is important to recognize that while not the best motivators, rewards and negative consequences motivate performance. The consequences can range from simply having to redo work, apologize take retraining, to being fired. They can also include the embarrassment that comes from having poor performance brought to light.

Accountability Without Blaming and Excuses

While there is a need for accountability and consequences, it does not mean that we propose management by fear. For example, if someone makes an error that causes rework, accountability requires that they make their error known and perform the rework to rectify the situation. Should they be fired or penalized? Not unless they make the same error repeatedly or have acted negligently or illegally.

Everyone makes errors. If there is learning and remediation, then accountability has done its job.

If there is a true understanding of accountability, there is no need for excuses. There is, however, a need for cause analysis to enable the learning process and the process improvement that follows.

How does one establish a healthy Accountability System?

  • Create strong sponsorship, values, policies and tool supported procedures that promote and institutionalize accountability as a normal and accepted part of the environment.
  • Develop clear and meaningful performance agreements (what is to be delivered, by whom, when, for how much, at what level of quality, under what conditions).
  • Use metrics that make performance evaluation as objective as possible.
  • Use cause and effect analysis to identify the root causes of performance levels (positive and negative) and set the stage for performance improvement.
  • Clearly acknowledge the relationships between tasks – use a dynamic project plan or process flow that identifies accountable parties at each step
  • Use impact analysis to identify and acknowledge the ripple effect of performance shortfalls.
  • Create clear reporting requirements, baselines, and templates that support accountability.
  • Use reviews that make use of performance metrics to enable consequences for positive and negative performance.
  • Use continuous communication to reinforce the value of accountability.

Don’t forget to leave your comments below.

References
1{www.businessdictionary.com/definition/accountability.htm}
2Sinclair, Amanda (1995). “The Chameleon of Accountability: Forms and Discourses”. Accounting, Organizations and Society20 (2/3): 219–237. doi:10.1016/0361-3682(93)E0003-Y }
3Schedler, Andreas (1999). “Conceptualizing Accountability”. In Andreas Schedler, Larry Diamond, Marc F. Plattner. The Self-Restraining State: Power and Accountability in New Democracies. London: Lynne Rienner Publishers. pp. 13–28. ISBN 1-55587-773-7.

Focused Attention – A Critical Success Factor

Written by George Pitagorsky on . Posted in Articles. 6 Comments on Focused Attention – A Critical Success Factor

No matter what your role is, it is critical that you focus your attention on the right things, at the right times, and in the right way to achieve your goals.

If your attention is scattered, lost in a blizzard of interruptions like emails, text messages, attractive passersby, or a thousand juicy thoughts and mental images, you are not likely to be all that effective. If your attention is focused on the wrong thing for the situation at hand, for example on your personal objective as opposed to how a co-worker may be feeling or on the way your objective might affect the project or organization as a whole, then you are not likely to be all that effective.

What is Being Focused?

What does it mean to focus or to be focused? Focus is directing attention in a chosen way at a chosen object. We can focus with a lens to home in on a minuscule particle or a wide expanse or anywhere in between.

When we focus our mind, we can concentrate on a single object, word, sound or idea, bringing our awareness to that one thing and filtering out distractions. Alternatively, we can open our attention to a sequence of events in a process or a process within a system of processes as expansive as the universe. In all cases, we are filtering out distractions that might take the mind off on a little journey to a place that we have not consciously chosen to go.

Distraction

Everyone gets distracted. The ability to focus hinges on the ease at which one identifies distractions and attention returned to focus on what you choose.

If you are at a meeting, ideally you would be focused on the meeting’s content. A thought might arise, triggered by something someone said, that reminds you of the time you encountered a problem in the past. You might note the thought, maybe even jot down a reminder about it, and return your attention to the proceedings.

Alternatively, you might begin thinking about that experience, how you responded then, the result, and how you wish you had responded. Your mind may go off on tangent after tangent as thoughts trigger new thoughts and lead you down a meandering path until something brings you back to the meeting. Your remembrances have taken your attention from what is happening at the meeting.

Taking it a step further, you might bring up your past experience as a point in the conversation. If it is not relevant to the meeting, it can take the entire meeting off on a tangent, and depending on the quality of the facilitation, off on multiple tangents.

Sometimes you just lose attention and space out, not thinking about anything in particular. An idle mind, at the right time and in the right place, can be quite healthy and useful, but not in the middle of a meeting or when you are performing a task that requires full attention.

Where and When to Focus Awareness

According to Daniel Goleman, “Every leader needs to cultivate a triad of awareness – an inward focus, a focus on others and an outward focus.” Focusing inward and focusing on others helps cultivate the awareness needed to be responsive rather than reactive. For example when focusing inward, there is a greater likelihood that you will notice the cues to your negative emotions like anger and fear and have an opportunity to accept them and not react impulsively. Focusing on others allows you to notice that someone may be having a negative or positive reaction to something you have said or done. Your awareness of others gives you the opportunity to inquire and adapt so you can cultivate collaboration as opposed to unhealthy conflict.

Focusing outward enables both local action and the ability to see the big picture, think strategically, and assess the consequences of local decisions on the organization or project as a whole. Outward focus is action oriented. It consists of the focus on exploiting current circumstances and systems thinking, the ability to see world as a system of systems in which any change anywhere can affect the system anywhere. Systems thinking is oriented towards strategy while the narrower focus is tactical. A critical success factor for effective performance is the ability to shift between a tactical outward focus directed to the job at hand, to a broader one that supports innovation and the ability to explore the results of local action.

Andrew Smart, the author of Autopilot: The Art & Science of Doing Nothing, might suggest adding a fourth awareness – doing nothing or spacing out. Concentration inhibits blood flow to certain parts of the brain that become active when not focusing on a specific task in what is referred to as the Default Mode or Resting State Network. This mode is instrumental in the AHA moments that occur when the brain “is turned off”. The reality is that the brain is not really turned off, it is just operating in a different way. This resting state enables the smooth movement between more directed focus whether inward, towards others or outward.

Being focused is a dynamic process that involves making a conscious effort to stay with a chosen object of attention. There is a natural moment-to-moment interplay among the modes of attention. The mind naturally shifts inward, to others and outwards, with the resting state providing the background capability to let the process unfold without unnecessary effort.

How do you get better at focusing?

The ability to focus requires rest and relaxation, healthy diet, and the management of stress.

The practice of mindfulness meditation enhances the natural capacity to focus on the right things at the right time. It is a technique that requires some instruction to get the basics and then the applied effort to regularly practice. Instruction is best obtained in a class from a qualified instructor. If you are in or around New York City you can contact NY Insight Meditation Center (NYIMC.org), otherwise check the web for mindfulness or insight meditation centers in your area.

Meditation sharpens the powers of concentration that enables you to stay on a chosen object, whether it be inward, on others or outwards. Mindfulness is enhanced so you are able to discern more clearly and objectively what is happening in and around you. The combination of concentration and mindfulness gives you the ability to choose your focus and actions; to be intentionally responsive rather than reactive.

Don’t forget to leave your comments below.

Communication Responsiveness and the Sound of Silence

Written by George Pitagorsky on . Posted in Articles. 3 Comments on Communication Responsiveness and the Sound of Silence

What you don’t say and how long it takes you to say what you do say sends a message. This article focuses on responsiveness, particularly to emails and voice messages, and how it affects communication and project success.

Communication is a critical part of project management and business analysis. In fact, it is a critical part of living with other people in any context. Our projects involve many people playing many roles in diverse organizations. Keeping everyone informed and getting the information needed to make the decisions that drive the project requires well-structured and clear communications. A communication plan is an essential part of any project plan.

Communication plans cover the nuts and bolts of communication – stakeholder roles and information needs, reporting schedules, meetings, report and agenda contents, responsibilities, methods, and media, etc. What they often do not address are the more subtle aspects, things like demeanor, tone of voice, response time expectations, guidelines for what to put in writing and other of the more subjective and qualitative aspects of communications.

The words we say and the body language we display sends a message. Much is written about how more of our meaning is transmitted by our body language than by our words in interpersonal communication. In a similar way, our silence and the time we take to respond also have meaning.

Responsiveness – No News is Not Good News – It is No News

What is a person saying who fails to respond to emails and phone messages in a timely manner? What is the message when a key subject matter expert fails to respond to work session invitations because they want to have their options open in case something important comes up? What is your reaction to slow or no response? How do you deal with the situation?

We are on all sides of communication. We are senders, receivers, and responders. As responders, while there may be unconscious reasons, we know why we fail to make a timely response. We might be too busy, not know what to say or how to say it. We might consider the topic unimportant and prioritize it below the other emails and voice messages we have to read and answer. We might even consider the sender to be unimportant. On a more subtle level, there may be a lack of social sensitivity that leads to not caring about the person who has sent the message and who is expecting a response. There may be a lack of understanding of the importance of our response and its impact on project schedules and personal relationships. Sometimes, the in-box is so full and the flow of mail so heavy that triage is needed just to stay afloat. That means that the unimportant messages can stay on the bottom of the pile indefinitely.

When we are waiting for a response, we can only guess at the reason for the delay. The guess is based on our knowledge of the other party, our feelings and our projections. We might think “that guy is ignoring me on purpose because he either doesn’t like me or doesn’t consider me important.” Just as possible is a thought like, “I guess the guy is overwhelmed with work and will get back to me when he can,” or “maybe he’s sick.” None of these reasons may be correct. We don’t know why a person fails to respond; only he or she does.

We also don’t necessarily know whether the other person’s understanding of what timely response means is the same as our understanding. In one organizational culture a week between receipt of a message and response may be perfectly acceptable or even considered to be quick. In another culture, more than 24 hours may be considered to be too slow. In yet another, an hour may be too long.

Based on an assessment of the reasons for slow or no response, relationships may suffer. We may lose respect for the other person, get angry, retaliate, escalate unskillfully or simply stop communicating with them.

The Project May Suffer

As a result of slow or no response, a project or business process may suffer. Customers and internal partners may feel ignored and ill served. Decisions may be delayed and that may have a ripple effect that delays the entire project or causes the organization to miss opportunities. For example, if an email that asks for approval for the hiring of a candidate for a team position goes unanswered for a week or more, the selected candidate may be lost to another firm or project. If an email inviting a key participant to a meeting goes unanswered the meeting may have to be postponed, or at best, the meeting organizer may have to spend time and effort chasing the unresponsive person. Delayed meetings disrupt project schedules. Chasing people for responses distracts people from more productive work; it is an annoying waste of time and effort.

Understand

How can you better understand the reasons behind the unresponsive person’s communication (or lack thereof)? Since only the unresponsive person knows why they are behaving as they are, the ideal first course of action is to ask them why.

Unfortunately, asking why is quite confrontational, and often leads to responses that do not get to the bottom of the issue. We might probe first, “I have noticed that you often take several days to respond to my emails, this creates a problem for me and for the project we are working on. How can we address that?” Hopefully, that will lead to a productive dialogue and you will be able to resolve the issue without having to do anything more. If a conversation doesn’t do the trick then you can be persistent in reminding the person, you might cc their boss on the reminder. Ultimately you may need to escalate to a higher authority if that is a practical option. Keep in mind that escalation and cc’ing an authority figure are actions that require thought and may backfire, but that is a subject for another article.

Pre-empt – Enhance Your Communication Plan

The most effective way to avoid, or at least minimize, the responsiveness problem is to confront it before it arises. An item in the communication plan should clearly state the need for responsiveness and address the expectation that every email or voice message be responded to within a day of its receipt. In some cases the response time may be shorter or longer depending on circumstances, but the communication plan should put a stake in the ground.

The immediate response might be a simple email that says I have received your message and will be getting back to you within X days. Even if it is an automated response, it is better than nothing. This follows the principle that is common in customer service – setting clear service level expectations. Think about how things might change if we treated everyone we work with as a valued customer.

Remind people that follow up response time depends on how critical the content, and should not be dependent on who sends the message. Senders should clearly state their response needs in their messages.

If upon analysis it is found that there are too many messages to allow for timely response, assess staffing levels, business processes, and roles and responsibilities to address the root causes.

In the end, apply good sense, understanding, empathy, and common courtesy to achieve effective email and voice message response times. These will contribute to project success.

Don’t forget to leave your comments below.

Facilitative PM: Balancing Authority and Collaborative Management

Written by George Pitagorsky on . Posted in Articles. 2 Comments on Facilitative PM: Balancing Authority and Collaborative Management

As project manager, you more effective if you act as a facilitator rather than a command and control manager, even if you are in the minority of project managers that have clear authority over the resources working on your projects.

The Drive for Control

Many people become project managers to satisfy a drive for control. When applied skillfully, this tendency is powerful. However, at times the tendency along with the widespread belief that managers should be in charge and direct all aspects of project performance, can be a problem. Expecting to have authority you don’t have and unskillfully exercising the authority you do have, can set you up for failure.

Every project manager must strike the optimal balance between authority based and collaboration based or facilitative project management. The master PM generally chooses collaboration even when he or she has authority. At the same time, the master knows when to use authority (one’s own or the influence and authority that comes from others) and how to apply it skillfully.

PM as Facilitator

Projects of any size require facilitation and coordination more than they need autocratic leadership. Facilitation makes it possible for a group to function more effectively. In the context of meetings, the facilitator makes sure everyone has an opportunity to be heard, helps the group to avoid unnecessary conflicts and to manage the conflicts that do arise. The facilitator steers the discussion so that it stays on target, and generally guides the group towards reaching its goals. We can apply the same principles to the project as a whole.

The PM facilitates by enabling healthy planning, communications, effective conflict management and decision-making. The PM ensures that the right methods, tools policies and procedures are in place and being used. The PM protects the team from outside disruptions.

Applying Facilitative PM

Project facilitation especially applies to matrixed projects. In matrixed projects team members from various disciplines take charge of work streams and perform tasks. While they “report” to the PM, the PM does not have direct authority over them. The team members take their authority direction from their functional or line managers. Generally, the PM does not have the expertise to direct the work of subject matter experts.

Often, there is no problem. Functional managers are as committed to achieving the organization’s goals as the project manager, priorities are properly set, expectations about resource availability are realistic, resources are directed to cooperate, etc.

Under these conditions, to be successful the PM must operate as if he or she had no authority. The PM relies on universally accepted project objectives, clear thinking, collaborative planning, effective communication, sponsorship and buy-in to ensure that everyone is pulling in the right direction.

Universally Accepted Objectives

Objectives drive projects. They are set before the project is kicked-off and provide a foundation for all planning, decision-making and project control activities.

If project objectives are in-sync with the organization’s goals, there is great likelihood that everyone will work to achieve them. Leadership and stakeholders like executive sponsors and clients with authority set objectives.

Even though those in authority, from outside the core project team, set the objectives, where the process of defining the objectives is collaborative, it is more likely that the objectives will be correct and stable across the life of the project.

The PM makes sure that everyone on the project understands and accepts the objectives. This is not a one-time task. There must be communication about objectives across the life of the project to remind people. It is all too easy to be caught up in a single, highly detailed work-stream, and lose track of the overall project objectives.

Collaborative Decisions

Objectives drive the project while decisions chart the course. A core principle is that collaborative decisions about key aspects of the project tend to be more effective than decisions made unilaterally by people in power. This is true whether we are talking about setting objectives, creating plans, or designing solutions.

Team synergy is enhanced by opening critical decisions to a collaborative process. This doesn’t mean that everyone takes part in all decisions or that there is need for consensus on all or even any decisions. Nor does it mean that you take binding votes and follow the majority.

Both majority and authority figures’ decisions are often flawed. The right people need to be engaged in decision-making. The right people are the ones with relevant expertise and good judgement. If decision makers are representative of the broader group and recognized by the team as the right people to make the decision, it is more likely that a good decision will be made and that the team will accept it and followed through.

Using common objectives as the criteria for judging the value of decision alternatives, intelligence, experience, good judgement and a willingness to seek an objectively superior solution combine to make sure the decision alternatives are effective and that clear thinking prevails.

The PM facilitates collaborative decision-making so that individuals are open to analytical assessment of options, including their own. He or she promotes willingness to be ruthlessly objective, cutting through unfounded beliefs and egoistic stances. The facilitative PM moderates to make sure people are sensitive to the needs of others, particularly when criticizing their ideas or performance.

Clear thinking

Clear thinking is thinking that is not clouded by beliefs and self-centered clinging to ones own ideas. It combines analysis, a systems view, intuition, and mindfulness. It sees things as they are, objectively. There is acceptance of what is, along with the willingness to direct and manage change to engineer a desirable future state.

The facilitative PM promotes clear thinking because clear thinking leads to more effective performance through more effective decision-making. He or she questions and promotes others to do the same. He or she guides the team in analytical approaches that, for example, require people in conflict to articulate the reasons underlying their positions; their objectives, needs and wants. Distinguishing between needs and wants and identifying objectives make decision making quicker and outcomes more effective. Using critical metrics to analyze and improve performance and provide facts as opposed to opinions further clarifies thinkink..

Using Authority

Clear thinking recognizes that for complex issues there are continuums rather than either-or, black and white positions. It is not facilitative vs. authority based PM. Instead, it is the right balance between them. Both-and rather than either-or.

Authority has its place. Someone must be able to break ties and to make command decisions. There are times when a given individual has an objectively better idea, is more intelligent and more experienced than the others in a team. Other team members may recognize this and defer to the “authority”.

It is also possible that the others want to stick with inferior ideas. When this happens, the person with authority must be ready to make a command decision.

Note the difference between an authority and, a person with authority. An authority draws his or her power from knowledge and experience. A person with authority has power granted by higher authorities and does not necessarily have superior knowledge and experience on a subject.

When using authority, it is a good practice to explain your reasoning. This gives subordinates a sense of why you decided as you did and that may dispelled objections and the common process of second-guessing the decision maker. It also promotes learning and shows respect.

Listen to objections and suggestions while making it clear that they do not bind you.

Putting It Together

Facilitative PM addresses the need to find the right balance between the use of authority and the use of collaborative methods. Overall, engaging team members in effective decision-making based on mutually accepted objectives and clear thinking leads to better decisions and the buy in that leads to optimal performance.

Don’t forget to leave your comments below.

Managing Your Anger for Success

Written by George Pitagorsky on . Posted in Articles. 3 Comments on Managing Your Anger for Success

Emotions are a fact of life. Everyone has them. However, not everyone manages them so well.

The master project manager or business analyst cultivates both the analytical skills of scheduling, estimating, budgeting, process mapping and controlling, and the behavioral skills required to manage relationships. Healthy relationships are the key to successful projects, effective communication is a key to healthy relationships, and well-managed emotions is a key to effective communication. Well managed emotions boil down to the ability to be responsive rather than reactive.

Emotions

The English word emotion has its root in the Latin emovere, meaning action. Emotions set the mind in motion; they stimulate action. “… an emotion is something that conditions the mind and makes it adopt a certain perspective or vision of things.”1

The positive emotions, such as love, kindness and happiness are relative easy to manage. The negative or destructive emotions, particularly fear and anger, are another thing. This article will focus on anger, though the approach would be the same for fear and other negative emotions.

Negative, Destructive Emotions

“Fundamentally, a destructive emotion—which is also referred to as an ‘obscuring’ or ‘afflictive’ mental factor—is something that prevents the mind from ascertaining reality as it is. With a destructive emotion, there will always be a gap between the way things appear and the ways things are.”2

These afflictive emotions result in thought chains that make us think, speak, and act in a biased way. They arise from attitudes of malevolence and egocentricity. They distort perception.

Imagine a person who is told that there is an infestation of poisonous snakes in his neighborhood. He hires someone to keep a watch on his yard. He steps out of the house in the evening and sees in front of him a long, thin coiled object. His immediate reaction is fear which turns to anger. He jumps back and runs away to get the guy he hired and give him a piece of his mind. When he returns with the snake handler, he realizes that what he had seen is a rope, not a snake. His fear, fueled by a heightened awareness of dangerous snakes, clouded his perception and led to reaction rather than effective response.

Anger

Anger is an emotion that everyone experiences to some degree. It appears with different degrees of intensity as annoyance, frustration, displeasure, rage and hatred.

In the work environment, as a PM or a BA you might be faced with a client who is constantly changing his or her mind. Your expectation is have definitive requirements. It is the only way you can hit your deadline and stay within your budget. If you express anger, even if it is just in your facial expression or body language, you risk damaging your relationship, maybe even being fired. If you suppress your anger, you risk getting an ulcer, yelling at your life partner, roommate or kid later in the evening or dumping it on a person on the bus, subway or road who crowds you. You don’t want your anger to burst out in behavior and you don’t want to suppress it. You want to choose a course of action that will work for you and the client.

Anger is a feeling of being unable to bear an object, or the intention to cause harm to the object, because it is perceived as wrong or bad. Anger clouds the mind, confuses and leads to aggression. At the same time, pure anger is an indestructible brilliantly lucid energy that you can experience without hatred. It is wrathful and war-like, cutting through doubt and confusion.

Working with anger means to mindfully acknowledge and accept its presence and moderate behavior to be responsive rather than reactive. You use the energy and clarity to do what is most likely to be useful and helpful to yourself and to others, including the person who “made your angry”.

Note that while you might think a person or situation made you angry, the reality is that you have to take personal responsibility. Some event has triggered your anger, but your state of mind, your expectations and your inability to accept what is happening are the real causes. Think about how the same event in one case makes you feel angry and at another time does not.

Physical Reactions and RAIN

Emotions appear as physical sensations in the body. Negative emotions tend to feel bad. Recognizing them and being able to accept them, without trying to get rid of them is a critical part of managing them.

Anger inspired behavior like yelling, obsessing about how you should have done or said this or that, or fantasizing about how you’d like to do something harmful to the guy that cut you off or missed a critical deadline are all means for escaping the discomfort that the physical sensations of anger bring up. As you rush to escape the feelings, you are more than likely to do unskillful things.

The RAIN technique is a simple method for learning to manage feelings. RAIN stands for Recognize, Accept, Investigate and do Not identify with feelings when they arise.

You sense the feeling and recognize it for what it is. You accept it, even if it is intensely unpleasant. Note that accepting the feeling is not forever, it is an acceptance of what is happening. You cannot change the present moment or the past. You can change your thinking and behavior going forward. To do so, first you have to accept what is happening and how you are feeling.

You investigate by asking yourself where in your body you are feeling the sensation, whether it is intense or dull. You might think about why you are feeling it, but don’t get lost in analysis, as that might suppress the feeling. Then, you choose not to be identified with the it; it’s a feeling, it is not you. By virtue of the fact that you are investigating it, you have already stepped back from the feeling to make some space between your thinking mind and the feeling. Now you are ready to choose the next step.
At first the technique is a set of mental steps, after practice it becomes an integral part of your response to feelings and the steps happen more or less simultaneously.

Mindfulness

To be mindful is to be consciously aware of what is going on in and around you; to observe objectively. This quality enables you to manage your emotions. The more you cultivate mindfulness the more likely it is that you will become aware of your anger before it gets so intense that it takes over your mind.

Once an emotion takes over all you can do is ride it out and hope for the best. But, if you can sense it early in its life you can apply the technique and retain control.

What if you get lost in your anger and react? You recognize that and make an intention to apply mindfulness to become increasingly responsive so that you can avoid being driven by your emotions. If you see yourself obsessing or feeling guilty about having gotten lost, look for the physical feeling tones and apply the RAIN technique.

Homework – The Real Work

The real work is to integrate what you learn into daily life. Take it from the intellect and make it part of your way of life. Notice:

  • When you recognize or become aware of your anger. How intense has it become? How long since the trigger?
  • How you feel about it. Is it pleasant, unpleasant or neutral or some combination?
  • How you label it. Anger, rage, annoyance?
  • Where it is sensed in the body.
  • What happened next What did you do? How did it feel? How did it work out?

Learn mindfulness meditation and do it every day, even if for five minutes. It is simple. Relax. Take note of your breath. Simply notice thoughts, sounds, feelings or anything that arises in or around you. Bring your attention back to the breath if you become distracted and keep noticing.

When you walk, be mindful of your walking; when you stand, be mindful of standing. Be mindful when you get dressed, wash, do your work, eat, drink, make merry, or do anything. If you find yourself distracted, bring your attention back to your breath or the body and begin again.

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[1] Goleman, Destructive Emotions, p. 75
[1] Goleman, Daniel (2008). Destructive Emotions: A Scientific Dialogue with the Dalai Lama. Kindle Locations 1779-1781