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Author: Neal Whitten,PMP

9 Actions to Build Your Self-Confidence

Written by Neal Whitten,PMP on . Posted in Articles. 5 Comments on 9 Actions to Build Your Self-Confidence

Almost everyone suffers from low self-confidence at some time; while many people struggle with self-confidence issues regularly.

Low self-confidence will hold you back from achieving your potential. It can cause you to miss out on many opportunities and leave you with a less happy, satisfying and fulfilling life.

The good news? You can learn to become and remain self-confident. I will reveal 9 actions that can help build your self-confidence. The more you build your self-confidence, the more success you likely will achieve which, in turn, increases your self-confidence even more. Mastering self-confidence can change the rest of your life.

Let’s look at these 9 actions that can help you build your self-confidence.

1. Prepare and Practice

Do your homework. Your self-confidence will receive a huge boost when you have appropriately prepared yourself for some event. For example, if you have a presentation to make, thoughtfully developing the presentation and then sufficiently practicing your delivery and responses to imagined questions can make you both look and feel self-confident. Do not underestimate the power of preparation in giving you the self-confidence that you seek. Preparation and practice are one of the most important actions you can take to raise your level of self-confidence.

2. Express Yourself through Body Language

Your posture and the manner you engage with others can send a strong message that says you are engaged, ready for action and committed to this exchange or event. For example, sit upright with chin up. If standing, stand upright with shoulders back. With people from most cultures, give direct eye contact. Move your head, body, and arms when in discussion or listening one-on-one. Use open gestures and lean forward for emphasis. Don’t cower or withdraw into a fetal position. Shake hands firmly—avoid a limp handshake. Be generous with your smile.

3. Speak with a Deliberate Voice

Do not use a weak, unsure or timid voice. Don’t mumble. Speak with a strong, resolute and passionate voice. Speak slow enough to ensure you are not only heard but also understood. Engage others in conversation and participate in meetings and get-togethers.

4. Promote Positive Self-Talk; Eliminate Negative Self-Talk

You become what you think about all day long. You are listening to yourself; programming yourself. Give yourself respect and positive thoughts. Through your thoughts and actions, you create a self-fulfilling prophecy. The self-talk can come from your inner thoughts, your actual words, notes, and messages to yourself and any other form of self-communication. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Be honest and truthful, but also cut yourself some slack. We are all works in progress with plenty of room for improvement.

5. Do Not Be Controlled by What Others Think About You

It is far less important what others think about you than what you think about yourself. Listen to what people say. If there is a lesson to be learned, then do so and move on. If there is no lesson, then move on. If you give more weight to what others think about you than what you think about yourself, then you are giving control of yourself to others. Don’t give that power away. Interestingly, as an instructor who has a wealth of classroom and mentoring experience, occasionally—but only temporarily—even I slip and begin to focus more on the one negative class evaluation than the 29 positive evaluations. Never allow your source of self-confidence to come from someone else.

6. Listen to Your Own Advice

You have great self-confidence advice to give to a close friend or family member; how about applying that advice to yourself? For example, I expect that you have heard most, if not all, of the advice given in this article—although you may not have heard it packaged and presented in this way. However, it becomes more a matter of accepting and applying that advice and recognizing that it can apply as much to you as it does to others. So the next time you are experiencing low self-confidence, ask yourself what advice would you give a friend who is experiencing the same thing you are; then seriously consider following that advice.

7. Be a Good Actor

Once you know how you wish to be, then act on that image. The notion of acting may sound insincere, but it is not. This is how behavior is changed: through repetitive acting. In effect, you are faking self-confidence in the beginning, and eventually, you will feel more comfortable with your behaviors and become that person. As the saying goes: You fake it til’ you make it.

8. Avoid Being Around People Who Are Toxic to You

People who put you down, are constantly critical of you and overall behave destructively towards you can cause self-doubt and pull you down. This situation not only adds no value to your life, but it can also take away from you developing into the best version of you.

9. Do Something Risky

Step out of your comfort zone and take on something you typically would avoid. When you do, you will experience an inner excitement that has likely eluded you. Afterward, examine your actions and look for any lessons. You will be proud of yourself. Now do it again …and again.

I have listed these 9 actions and their brief descriptions in a 1-page takeaway that you are free to download and make copies.

Often I am asked if I believe that people are typically born with low self-confidence, therefore, must learn self-confidence. My experience is the opposite. I observe that people are typically born with high self-confidence. Notice how small children are curious, nonjudgmental and seem to be game for almost anything. As they grow from childhood into their teens, that self-confidence can be shaken based on the behaviors of the people around them. For example, as a teen, if you frequently experience put-downs, harsh criticism and outright nasty and rude behaviors then your self-confidence could easily come into doubt.

6 Tenets of Self-Confidence

I would like to conclude this article with six tenets to keep in mind on the important subject of building your self-confidence.

  1. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced and become a core part of whom you choose to be. This has to be encouraging to know if you harbor any doubts about your ability to be self-confident.
  2. Self-confidence is largely about what you think about yourself along with your knowledge, skills, and experiences that you have worked hard to acquire. As you achieve more—and recognize yourself for those achievements—the more your self-confidence will grow.
  3. Self-confident people tend to like themselves, believe in themselves, think positively about themselves, are optimists, seize upon the opportunity and live life to its fullest.
  4. The self-confidence you project is seen through your words, actions, and demeanor. The more self-confident you are, the more people see you and accept you this way which serves further to reinforce your self-confidence.
  5. Self-confident people are engaged in life and are always achieving things, big and small. These achievements build the foundation for their success. Low self-confident people avoid life’s opportunities, and therefore success becomes more elusive.
  6. Lastly, self-confidence is an important asset to a happy, satisfying and fulfilling life; it helps you to get more out of your life. Self-confidence will help you better appreciate and savor the good times and help you deal with the challenges that will continuously come your way.

Now, go become your imagined self!

10 Traits of the Indispensable Team Member

Written by Neal Whitten,PMP on . Posted in Articles. 4 Comments on 10 Traits of the Indispensable Team Member

If you were building a team and could hand-pick its members, what are the key traits or attributes you would look for?

What are the behaviors and actions necessary for them to perform at their best and the team to perform at its best? In other words, what makes a team member valuable and indispensable?

This article reveals a set of key behaviors and actions that every leader would like to see in each of their team members. Of course, members cannot be expected to know already or practice these tenets. These behaviors and actions must be revealed as the team is forming and reinforced throughout the project.

Praise should generously be bestowed on those members who demonstrate these tenets notably. But members not performing to an acceptable level will need coaching and nurturing so they can become proficient as well.

Let’s now look at the behaviors and actions of the indispensable team member.

1. Fully participate

Voluntarily speak up in meetings and get-togethers. Contribute ideas, even if they may be unconventional—many times thinking out of the box brings the team to the best solution. Your opinion is important and can help identify or move an issue closer to resolution. Be forthcoming to both ask and answer questions.

2. Be truthful

Be honest and timely when revealing your progress and issues. When you make a mistake, admit to it and take accountability. When you are faced with making a commitment, make only good commitments.

3. Be reliable

Meet your commitments. Always do what you say you are going to do and when you said you would do it. A team is only as strong as its weakest link—don’t be a weak leak. Consistently provide quality work. Demonstrate personal pride in fulfilling your commitments.

4. Maintain a positive attitude

Adopt a can-do spirit. Be thankful for and even look forward to the challenges and opportunities before you. Place a constructive view on issues—seek out the sun during cloudy and stormy moments. Don’t take or make things personal.

5. Focus on solutions

The most professionally mature members do not engage in finger-pointing and the blame game. Instead, they are busy focusing on solving issues and moving forward. Be a problem solver. Recognize that we all make mistakes and that we need to learn from them and not repeat the same mistakes.

6. Practice being proactive

Don’t just focus on the task at hand, also look at the tasks coming up to help ensure you and your team’s readiness. Make it a standard practice to think one or more steps ahead.

7. Share knowledge

Yes, knowledge is power. But the best performers give it away—they don’t hoard it. They recognize the benefit of this behavior in strengthening the team and raising their own value and reputation in the process.

8. Demonstrate personal initiative

Practice self-reliance when appropriate. Require minimal leadership. Ensure you understand your assignment and domain of responsibility. If you are unsure about taking action, then seek appropriate counsel. Make things happen.

9. Practice continuous improvement

Seek ways to continually improve your skills as well as the processes and procedures that you and your team engage in. Become and remain the subject matter expert in your chosen domain. Be open and accepting of constructive criticism. Don’t just correct a problem; seek to correct the process that allowed the problem to occur. Encourage feedback on your performance. Adapt to change.

10. Promote team success

Place the team first. See yourself as there to serve your team to the best of your ability. Show that you care about the welfare of the team and its success. Look out for the team as if its success is defined by your actions each and every day. Look for ways to make the team and its leader look good.

Shared values

This list could be a great starting point for team discussion as each trait is described and examples shared to reinforce the benefit to each member and the team as a whole. Of course, other traits can be added and discussed. I cannot overstate the importance of a team embracing a set of traits—shared values—that can serve to bond and strengthen the team members along with their journey.

In Closing

I have listed these 10 behaviors and their brief descriptions in a 1-page PDF document that you are free to download and make copies.

Team members who are tenacious and diligent in demonstrating these behaviors and actions will serve as outstanding role models for other members. There’s nothing better than an example to inspire and spur the members of a team to be their best.

Almost all team members want to perform well and to support the success of the team. They want to mimic behavior that will help the team and, in the process, make them look good as well. If you are a project manager or other leader, don’t overlook your personal duty to set a consistent example for your team members.

Now, go become your imagined self!

7 Warning Signs that You Are Too Soft

Written by Neal Whitten,PMP on . Posted in Articles. 4 Comments on 7 Warning Signs that You Are Too Soft

Simple question: Do you believe that you tend to be too soft at work?

What I mean by too soft is demonstrating behavior that results in being consistently less effective than what is otherwise possible—and needed—in performing responsibilities.

Whenever I ask this question at conferences, seminars or webinars, most people respond with a “yes.” From experience, I have found most project managers and business analysts, indeed, to be too soft—they are not willing to make the tough and unpopular project- or business analyst-related decisions, even though their instincts warn them that they are not taking the most effective action.

Being too soft harms your effectiveness, your career, the respect from others and your ability to make a difference and make things happen.

Examples of Too-Soft Behavior

Here are seven examples of too-soft behavior. Do you see yourself here? If so, this article may cause you to leave your comfort zone.

1. You behave as if you have the responsibility but without the authority

If you behave as if you have the responsibility but without the authority, then you’re too soft. I do face time with thousands of people each year. I frequently hear project managers and business analysts say that they have the responsibility but not the authority. This just isn’t true. You almost always have the authority; the problem is that you don’t take it.

Here’s an example. When was the last time you were called on the carpet—challenged—for exceeding your authority? Was it within the last week? The last month? The last year? Was it ever? My experience is that less than 15% of people in a large group—a statistically valid size group—have ever experienced being confronted for exceeding their authority. This is sad to me. But what is sadder is that, statistically, most people reading this article will never experience being called out on exceeding their authority across their entire career! My assertion is that you almost always have the authority—you just don’t seize it… you’re too soft.

2. You put off insisting on and driving good project management or business analyst practices

Whether I’m in a public setting or at a private company, it’s common for PMs or BAs to approach me for advice about their project problems. During the discussion, many times it’s relevant for me to ask about the project management or BA practices that they follow. I often hear them say that the practices they follow are weak and insufficient. They will state or imply that management in their organizations isn’t doing enough to provide and continuously improve the practices. I’ll ask them what their role on the project is and they will tell me that they are the PM or a BA. If you are in either of these roles, then insisting on and driving good practices is your job. Not management’s. Not anybody else’s. It’s your domain of responsibility. You can seek help if you need to but the buck stops with you. If you do not insist on reasonable practices then you’re too soft.

3. You complain rather than constructively work issues to closure

I don’t believe that you should ever complain about anything—ever! Complaining is negative energy and adds no value to solving the issue at hand. People who complain are exhibiting too-soft behavior by averting truly getting the problem fixed. But make sure you understand what I mean by complaining. An example of complaining is when person A complains to person B about something that person C can fix. In this case, person A just wasted his time and person’s B’s time. However, if person A “complains” so-to-speak to person C—the person who can fix the problem—then this is not complaining to me. This is the first step of the solution by informing the person who can do something about it.

4. You evade taking a position on issues

If you evade taking a position on an issue, you’re too soft. A role of leaders is to help resolve conflict among team members. They take appropriate business-based positions on issues even if it doesn’t please all parties. Let’s look at an example.

I was mentoring Sarah who was a project manager of a sizeable project. We were walking through a hallway heading to a room where a meeting was soon to take place. We come upon two team leaders—Laura and Larry—discussing an issue in the hallway. Actually, discussing is too kind of description; they were angry at each other and loudly protesting the other’s views. Upon seeing this, Sarah leaned in to me and asked if I would mind if we join in on their discussion. Sarah said we have a few minutes before we must be in the meeting room. I said that that’s a good idea and we joined the two team leaders. After standing with the two team leaders and listening for a few minutes, Sarah turns to me and said we have to go; she did not want to be late for the meeting. Once we were out of hearing range of the two team leaders, I asked Sarah why she didn’t say anything back there to help resolve the conflict. Sarah said if she had sided with one team leader then the other team leader would have been upset with her. I said that’s not how it works. Besides you now have both people upset with you because you did not assert your authority and help find an appropriate resolution. I went on to tell her if she sided with Laura and that left Larry upset with her, that’s not her problem—it’s Larry’s problem. I said never avoid taking a position because you fear that someone won’t like you. This is business, it’s not personal. Decisions are made based on what’s in the business’ best interest; not what’s in Larry’s best interest. Here again, Sarah was too soft in dealing with this situation which meant she was not as effective as she could be and should be.

5. You avoid or excessively delay making key decisions

Decision making is a critical action in any team, project or organization. We all have experienced instances where we felt decisions were being made far too slow. Make sure that you aren’t the problem. If you avoid or excessively delay making key decisions then this is another example of demonstrating too-soft behavior. If you wait to make a decision until all data is known to ensure that you are making the very best decision, then you will lose all competitiveness. Better to make a decision and occasionally be wrong, then make no decision or excessively delay in making the decision.

6. You fail to perform your assignment as if you own the business

When you look around you for the people who you respect the most, they are likely folks who come to work each day with the mindset that they perform their duties as if they owned the business—and the business is defined by their domain of responsibility. If you have ever owned your own company, you will know exactly what I mean. You cannot put food in your belly or pay your bills unless you are successful. It’s this passion that helps people achieve their best. These are people who make things happen. They believe—and their actions demonstrate—that the buck stops here and that they are fully accountable for the project or their assigned domain. Your boss and your senior management want you to take charge over your domain of responsibility with the passion that comes about when you behave as if you owned the business. If you hesitate or routinely pull back then, again, you are demonstrating too-soft behavior.

7. You require the personal approval of others to function

You are too soft if you personally require the approval of those around you to function from day-to-day—and without it you feel inadequate—then you will likely find their behavior to have an immobilizing effect on you; it can stop you in your tracks. Don’t ever give that kind of power to another person. What other people think of you should never be more important than what you think of yourself.

In Closing…

I have revealed seven examples of too-soft behavior. If you routinely exhibit these too-soft behaviors, then you’re clearly too soft—you tend to take the easy way out rather than do the right thing by demonstrating the most effective behavior. If you only occasionally slip into this behavior, then that may not be a serious cause for alarm.

If you fear that not being too soft will cause you to be “too hard” and therefore you will be seen as being rude, insensitive, abrasive, arrogant or a bully… don’t go there. You are a good and decent person and will not give way to these behaviors.

You might be asking yourself if an upside of demonstrating too-soft behavior is that you might win friends and respect? After all, if you are consistently too soft, those you work with will see you as very easy to get along with and passive—you’re always rolling over and abdicating to others. The problem is that if you’re a leader and are consistently demonstrating too-soft behavior, you will lose respect from those you lead, and from your peers and from your superiors. Being too soft will also have a negative effect on your project’s outcome because the best business decisions are not always made or made in a timely manner. All this can lead to your career becoming stagnant or even shortened.

Now, go become your imagined self!

Mentor Central: Dealing with Difficult People: 10 Tips to Stay in Control

Written by Neal Whitten,PMP on . Posted in Articles. 1 Comment on Mentor Central: Dealing with Difficult People: 10 Tips to Stay in Control

We all encounter difficult people in the workplace. We may be that way ourselves from time to time.

How effective you are at dealing with difficult people has a direct impact on how successful you become and can affect your job advancement, your relationships, your overall confidence and even your health. This article defines 10 actions that you can employ to stay in control. By demonstrating self-control, you are better prepared for dealing with almost any situation and any individual. Stuff’s going to happen but you don’t have to accept being the victim. You have choices.

Definition

We often use the term “difficult person,” but I will define it for our purposes here. By difficult, I mean a person who routinely exhibits one or more of the following behaviors:

  • Hard to work with or manage
  • Doesn’t play by conventional social or organizational rules
  • Is a disruptive or disturbing element to others.

By difficult, I don’t necessarily mean someone who disagrees with you. Disagreement is often healthy and even good for business. It can serve as a check-and-balance to help ensure that the best ideas and decisions are considered; it stretches the players to perform at their best. It’s not always important that we agree. It is, however, important that we can work reasonably well together despite our different points of view.

10 Tips

Let’s now examine the 10 tips—or actions—that you can employ to help you stay in control when dealing with difficult people.

1. Take Time to Pause

When a difficult situation presents itself, pause and count to that proverbial 10. You are at a crossroads. What you say and how you say it could make matters worse or improve the situation. Now is the time to think before you act; to collect your thoughts and corral-in your emotions. If communicating verbally, this means pausing for a moment or taking an extended break. If using email, sleep on it before replying, or obtain a second opinion before sending the email. While pausing, look at the big picture. Search for what’s best for the business or the relationship. Focus on a good outcome and what that might be.

2. Examine Your Behavior

Whenever you encounter a difficult person, first examine your own behavior to determine if you are part of or the entire problem. Ask yourself, “Where’s your responsibility in all this?” You may not be able to alter the behavior of others but you can change yourself if that’s what is needed. 

3. Put Yourself in Their Shoes

When you are dealing with a difficult person, it can be immensely helpful to look at the situation from their perspective. For example: What are they going through? What is their objective? How are they feeling about the situation? What is the hardship they are facing? Your point of view will likely be affected by better understanding their point of view. How would you react if you were in their shoes? Be as understanding as possible of their frustrations or point of view. Doing so may also help to win them over—they may even come around to seeing you as an ally. Demonstrating empathy is a trait commonly found in the best performers.

4. Be Willing to Listen

When you listen and the other person knows you are listening, walls start coming down. It prepares you both for coming together for the best solution. They begin to feel that you care about them. Use body language as you are listening such as tilting your head, relaxing your body and frequently looking into their eyes. Be empathetic and display compassion, if relevant. An objective for listening is to learn what they are going after. For example, they may be looking to save face, or they may be seeking power, respect, attention, approval or some other form of recognition. It may be helpful at some point to ask them what they are feeling right now. Avoid making decisions or judgments before you have a chance to hear their side.

5. Be Candid About the Issue

Be straight with others. Constructively confront them with the problem you perceive and what you need from them. Site specific examples and avoid any vagueness. Initiate this conversation in private. As soon as possible, set the expectations. Tell them what you can do and what you cannot do. Follow up on the discussion to ensure expectations are clear and things are proceeding satisfactorily.

6. Project Calm

Your behavior will have a pronounced effect on the situation so you want to learn to manage your emotions. Lead from a position of strength. Don’t become defensive, angry or desperate; doing so will undermine achieving a satisfactory outcome for both you and the other person. Maintain your cool. Relax your body language. Slow down the cadence of the conversation. Be thoughtful with the words you choose. Keep your voice low. Although the stakes may be high for you and the other person, promote casual conversation so that emotion can be displaced with listening and thinking rationally.  

7. Choose Your Battles

When you are dealing with a difficult person, you typically have more than one option. Make sure that the option you choose is in both your best interest and the business’ best interest. Sometimes give-and-take is not possible with a particular person—there is no chance of compromise. Ask yourself if this situation is worth the time, energy and overall stress that it will cause. If it’s not then let it go. Stop talking about it or giving it any more energy.

8. Don’t Let Others Control You

When you go to work each day, I suggest you not show up with the primary objective of being liked. If you do, you will likely have a disappointing career. No matter how you behave and treat others, there will be many days when someone will not like your behavior or even you. It’s not about being liked. It’s about integrity and doing the right thing. If you make being liked—getting the approval of others—a primary objective, then you are setting yourself up to be controlled by others. This could cause you to do nearly anything just to get their approval, including rolling over on important issues.

9. Deal with Aggression Firmly

Whether the aggression is delivered verbally or is approaching physical, shut down the interaction and be willing to continue when they have calmed down. Don’t tolerate verbal abuse or someone threatening your personal safety through physical or psychological fear. Be assertive in insisting that the difficult person does not continue with the abusive behavior. Once you have shown your willingness to tolerate abusive behavior, that behavior will not only continue but will likely escalate. Set boundaries. Let the person know you will respect him or her, but expect to be treated with respect in return.

10. Take the High Road

When dealing with a difficult person, the likelihood is high that they are not taking the high road. Just the opposite; their heels are dug in. Someone’s going to have to budge and reach out. As hard as it may be, make that someone you. Doing so demonstrates professional maturity and is a major step in finding a successful path in dealing with the difficult person. This can help diffuse the situation. A great bonus in taking the high road is that you will earn respect and your stock value will increase.

In Closing…

I have listed these 10 actions and their brief descriptions in a 1-page takeaway that you are free to download and make copies.

Dealing with difficult people can be so common at work and in life that you want to continue to develop the skills that help you maintain your self-control when you encounter a difficult person. If you continue to fine-tune your behavior, you will find a reduction in the number of difficult people you encounter. Why? Because we often contribute to the problem or are the problem.

Now, go become your imagined self!

10 No-Nonsense Behaviors that Lead to Exceptional Performance

Written by Neal Whitten,PMP on . Posted in Articles. 1 Comment on 10 No-Nonsense Behaviors that Lead to Exceptional Performance

I want to talk to you about you… Success does not just happen — it is made to happen.

Success is born of behaviors and choices that lead to exceptional performance. In this article, I will reveal 10 important leading-edge, best-practice, results-oriented behaviors that will promote your professional and personal success. These are no-nonsense behaviors that I have observed over the years as being common among those who are the most successful.

Many of these behaviors you already know but you may not routinely practice. Some of these behaviors are often avoided. As you strive to achieve your dreams, these behaviors can lay the foundation for your journey. This article and each of the 10 behaviors apply to both PMs and BAs. Be prepared to rethink what constitutes effective behavior. As a senior guy who has been around the proverbial block many times, I will tell you: This stuff works!

Break the Rules Occasionally

Top performers break the rules occasionally. Pat McCarty, one of the 25 interviewed subjects in my award-winning book, The Gift of Wisdom: Lessons for a Lifetime, said, “Workplace rules are made for 95% of employees 95% of the time.” Pat was not talking about breaking ethical or legal rules. She was talking about taking some risks—going outside the norm—pushing the envelope. If you would like to achieve exceptional performance, then you must think like an exceptional performer.

Oftentimes, you will find that following conventional rules will not effectively or efficiently solve an issue. Although few so-called “rules” are written within an organization, many rules are perceived; and it’s the perceived rules that often cause members to limit their initiatives. You want to earn the reputation of thinking out of the box—of being creative in solving issues. Examples are proposing a radical new approach to solving a problem, joining forces with an unlikely person or group in tackling an issue or taking the initiative to doggedly pursue an issue to closure. I have found that, in most cases, it is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission.

Manage Daily to the Top 3 Priorities

My experience is that most project leaders—most employees—do not know how to effectively manage their time. While most people start their day with a to-do list, the list is typically picked apart by working on the low-hanging fruit—the easier items; while the more important tasks continue to be deferred like kicking a can down the road. I have found that the #1 reason why projects get in trouble is that the project’s top three problems—or priorities—were not worked on a daily basis and resolved with the sense of urgency they require. It is your ability to solve your top three priorities that define your value and contributions to your project and organization and, ultimately, your career.

If I were to put you on the spot and ask you to state your top three priorities that you currently have going on with your project, and if you could not rattle them off in three snaps of the fingers, you are not a consistently effective leader. You might say, “How dare you judge me with so little information. I believe I am a good leader. Give me a few moments to think about my top three priorities, and I will identify them.” But if you can’t immediately identify them then it tells me that you do not manage to your top three priorities each day. Instead, you are managed by interruptions, noise, and minutia that come your way throughout the day.

You should start your day with a to-do list that identifies your top three priorities, successfully resolve—or put a plan in place to resolve—each of the top three priorities within a few days, replace them with new priorities—then repeat.

Never Avoid Necessary Confrontation

How you manage conflict can determine the difference between a highly effective leader or a wannabee. By “conflict” I mean “disagreement, variance or potential collision with another’s views or intentions.” Facing problems and solving them often require confrontation with another person. Do not be intimidated by others. It is important to be decisive in ensuring that the best business decision is made—even when others may not be happy with your decision.

Let’s look at an example. Let’s say that I am a highly effective PM. An ineffective PM and I will have similar project-related problems to deal with: availability of staffing, acquiring members with the right skills, technology issues, sufficient funding, poor estimates, project scope creep, working with difficult clients or management, uncooperative project members, and so on. My experience—no matter how extensive—does not mean that I am immune to these common problems.

The key difference between my behavior and that of an ineffective PM’s behavior is that I will likely confront problems more quickly, with the sense of urgency and importance that they deserve, while the less-effective PM may tend to avoid conflict, causing many of these problems to drift. I will go after problems before they have a chance to morph into more serious issues. I will never avoid necessary confrontation and will practice the philosophy that problems do not go away unless I take appropriate action to mitigate them. Less-effective PMs tend to be too soft and less sure of themselves and the appropriate action to take. The avoidance of necessary conflict is a hallmark of the less effective.

Routinely Practice Boldness and Courage

You cannot be a consistently effective leader or reach a high level of performance maturity if you don’t demonstrate boldness and courage. Your behavior drives your success.

By boldness, I mean the act of responding to a situation in a manner that may be viewed as daring to some, but is essential to address the issue at hand. I do not mean being rude, reckless, insensitive, or arrogant. I mean doing whatever is necessary to achieve the objective (provided, of course, that it is legal and ethical). Boldness is all about taking the initiative—especially where others may hesitate or withdraw.

By courage, I mean the act of confronting a fear—something that we may be afraid of. The number-one reason why leaders fail is that they are too soft; they have weak backbones. (The #1 reason why projects fail is because the project manager is too soft to manage to the top three priorities on a daily basis.) They lack the courage to be as effective as they should be and need to be. It’s not easy standing up to those around you, be they executives, clients, vendors, contractors, peers, or team members. But if you expect to be consistently successful as a leader, you must demonstrate the courage to lead yourself and your team to success. It’s not about effort or lofty intentions; it’s about results.

If you do not believe that you have the courage that you most desire, then just fake it. You heard me correctly: Just fake it. No one can tell the difference between real courage and fake courage. The good news, however, is that you become what you think about all day long. If you consistently think and act on your courageous thoughts, you actually will become courageous over time.

Do Not Allow What Others Think About You…

Do not allow what others think about you to be more important than what you think about yourself. If you do, then it can immobilize you—stop you in your tracks. Do not give another person that power over you.

For example, do not come to work each day with the primary objective of being liked. If you do, you will likely be disappointed throughout your career. Even the people who you love and who love you don’t always like you. So you know the people you work with will not always like your behaviors. Keep in mind that other people’s opinions are just that—opinions. Listen for any helpful snippets but remain in control of you.

Inspect What You Expect

Don’t trust that things are progressing smoothly or will work out okay on their own. Instead, require plans and metrics so that you can talk about tangible work and progress. Many leaders think that “inspecting what you are expecting” is micromanaging. It’s not. It’s good leadership. Micromanaging is telling someone what to do, when to do it, how to do it, etc. …you get the picture.

The phrase “inspect what you expect” has been around for a long time, but its message goes unheeded for many leaders. Who hasn’t had a project where a team member insists that things are fine …that the delivery will be on schedule and will meet the quality expected? But then the delivery date arrives, and it’s not ready. This has happened to all of us. But we need to learn. As Albert Einstein was quoted, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results.” Blind trust can be a huge mistake.

Live in Your Present Moments

Present moments are all you have. The past does not exist, nor does the future. All we have are our present moments. I know I must be sounding a bit ethereal, but this is an important concept. For example, I know a lot of folks who have made a big mistake somewhere in their business or personal lives and cannot let go of the negative feeling—the guilt—that remains with them. They often change their personality and emotionally go into a fetal position around others.

You have the ability to be fully engaged in your present moments but when you are carrying guilt from your past or worry for your future—both negative emotions—you are no longer fully invested in your present moments. Therefore, you will not be nearly as effective as you could be.

Don’t Make It Personal or Take It Personally

It’s all about what’s best for the business. To make it personal or to take it personally is professional immaturity. Whether intentional or not, we have all been guilty of demonstrating professional immaturity on some occasion in our past.

Also, don’t allow others to turn a business issue into a personal issue. Take the high road. If you succumb to taking or making it personal, the outcome can be harmed relationships with those you work as well as damaging to your career. When you can positively control your emotions, you will find that coworkers are more likely to want to work with you.

The most successful leaders don’t make things personal. Instead, they know it’s just business and behave accordingly. You should care about success. You should work with passion and take ownership of everything that can affect your domain of responsibility. But in the end, when the dust has settled, it’s all about what’s best for the business.

Be a Good Actor

First, define whom you choose to be. Then be a good actor to transform that vision into reality. This often requires you to learn to manage your emotions. As I said earlier, you become what you think about all day long. Now that you know the behaviors you most want to mimic, act them out and do so with passion and conviction. You want to convince your audience. Although acting might sound a bit insincere, it’s not. This is how you transform your behaviors. You first think about a behavior to adopt. Then you act on that thought to replace an old behavior with the more desirable behavior.

Evaluate Yourself Daily

Dr. Yung-Chen Lu, another person interviewed in my aforementioned book, said, “Always ask yourself how you can grow from your daily experiences.” Here’s a technique that can help you grow your leadership skills and become more effective today than you were yesterday—and even more effective tomorrow than you are today.

At the start of each workday—when you are at your freshest—spend a few quiet moments reflecting both on your noteworthy achievements from the day before as well as on your “missed opportunities.” Make two lists: the top three things that you did that made a difference for the best and the top three things you did (or failed to do) that made a difference for the worse.

Basing today’s actions, in part, on yesterday’s behavior enables you to adjust via lessons learned. Moreover, this immediate self-assessment can help you recover from missteps while the trail is still warm and deliberate recovery actions can have the most beneficial impact.

Performing the adjustments routinely—preferably each day—can have a strikingly positive impact on your effectiveness as a leader. So much so, I assert you would be pleasantly surprised with your transformation after applying this technique for one year.

We often avoid self-assessments, especially if they are routine, because we prefer to avoid any reminders of our so-called “failures.” But, as professionals, these self-assessments of our actions are essential for our continued growth, maturity and effectiveness.

In Closing…

I believe that everyone has the capacity to be a consistently successful leader. Everyone! Although some may be more effective than others, or rise to greater heights, this does not diminish the great opportunities for turning your vision into reality. All the attributes of a successful leader can be learned and practiced if you choose to do so. Believe you can make a difference… and you will!

Now, go become your imagined self!

This article was adapted from Neal’s 1-day workshop called, “Behaviors that Lead to Exceptional Performance” where the full set of 27 highly important no-nonsense behaviors are identified and discussed. The workshop is being conducted October 17 at PW*BAW Atlantic Canada Workshop Series in Halifax, NS; October 26 at PS*BAW Boston, MA and December 7 at PS*BAW New York City.